Take a bow, Bukayo Saka. And then apologise to Hossein Hosseini. You ruined his big day.
When Iran’s understudy goalkeeper was finally introduced after Alireza Beiranvand’s ridiculous courtship with concussion, he had the chance to write national history.
But it wasn’t to be.
Within half an hour of his entry, Iran were three goals down – their largest World Cup deficit since 1978.
At the centre of it all? One of the world’s most promising talents. This was a glorious afternoon, but particularly for Saka and Marcus Rashford after 2021’s horrendous abuse for having missed their penalties against Italy in the final of the Euros.
There was a sense that this afternoon wouldn’t go England’s way. Iran’s defence under Carlos Queiroz is respected for its enterprising sternness, and when Rouzbeh Cheshmi smothered Harry Maguire from an early corner, two star-crossed lovers tumbling to the turf, the script was illuminated. No penalty for you, England. Tonight you will sleep frustrated.
Those early stages felt liquified and uneventful, meandering through pedestrianised midfield zones, ebbing through advance and retreat, one Trippier crawl down the right fading into the memory of another. Iran were perfectly happy to let England play ball so long as they respected their six-yard box.
And then Jude Bellingham just… happened. A header to open a can of dreams. A vessel of joy cracked open in a sea of red. The young man was unmarked and capitalised gleefully, bopping it over Hosseini and twisting away in exultation. England’s second-youngest World Cup scorer ever. 1-0.
Iran were already out of ideas. From another corner, Cheshmi tried his old pushy tricks, but this time Maguire withstood the barrage and watched his nemesis disintegrate.
From the ground, the Iranian had a view worth a million bucks as England’s most maligned defender cushioned it for Saka. The starlet morphed into composure itself, striking a half-volley with such surety as to stop time.
And so a game that many expected to be a brittle affair now had some contours. Or it should have. Iran were no more panicked at 2-0 than they were at the first whistle, allowing England to pass around largely unchecked. But Southgate’s men found a way to tease apart the low block, tempting Queiroz’s men forward before launching a rapid counter-attack, Harry Kane finding Raheem Sterling at the near post for England’s third in the 46th minute.
The second half descended into anarchy. Saka wasn’t done. Sterling released him on the right and was bulldozed for his troubles, but Saka didn’t stop.
The winger was floating in his own universe, dancing inside and trickling a ball past the goalkeeper which should have been saved but simultaneously looked unstoppable.
England were both frenetic and controlled, knowing the exact moment to press the trigger, when to play the ball wide and let a skill merchant do the rest. Rashford and Jack Grealish understood the assignment, their goals resulting from the favoured motion of the match: get the ball to the right, somehow get it back to the middle, somehow score.
Grumblings around Southgate’s reign have been subdued, at least for now. Mehdi Taremi’s brace was a mere footnote on a day of such jubilation for England. No doubt a rocky ride against the USA or Wales will revive the doubts, but this day should serve as a reminder of what England are capable of under their waistcoat-lover.
Make no mistake – this is his team, moulded with its own identity and detached from domestic quibbles. Maguire, Shaw, and Sterling have all been criticised for club form, but Southgate knows how to get the best out of them in the international arena.
He also knows how to treat them. As soon as Maguire began to be processed under concussion protocols, there was little question the centre-back would be bundled off, preserved for a later day.
You can’t blame Iran for wanting to leave on Beiranvand, but his extended prostration, surrounded by a confusion of medics, was a farce, and the fact he wasn’t substituted until later was a disrespect to player safety.
So don’t take a bow alone, Saka. Take one alongside Southgate, who has your best interests at heart. And your teammates. Just remember to apologise to Hosseini on the way out.
