For many Christmas is a time to have fun, share a few jokes and act a bit silly.
However some people have taken this silliness further than most, even as far as governmental departments, by writing funny festive Freedom of Information requests.
Hopefully they raised a smile on the faces of their recipients, although the lack of cheer and goodwill in some of the responses suggests otherwise (this might have something to do with all the paperwork and utter waste of time involved).
What do you think? Are they just a holly bunch of time wasters whose jokes (like mine) only belong inside a Christmas cracker, or are they spreading seasonal joy to councils, civil servants and press officers?
Well, maybe not. We’ll leave you to decide.
Here are the top five Christmas-themed FOI requests:
5. ‘Father Christmas’ wrote to mySociety explaining: “I will be making my yearly rounds on Christmas Eve and would like a map detailing all free parking spaces. Please provide a breakdown of cubic space volume so that I can park safely.”
Finding a parking space is one of the many challenges we face during the busy run up to Christmas, and it seems that Saint Nick is no exception.
Tradition would have us believe that he lands his sleigh, reindeer and presents on to our rooftops, but it seems that in his old age Santa is looking for firmer ground and would like to claim free parking benefits.
The company mySociety was set up to help people contact politicians, local authorities and other public bodies via the web, however it probably didn’t expect the jolly man in red to be amongst those who turned to it for information.
The request was made through mySociety to Brighton and Hove City Council last December. As yet there has been no response.
4. ‘Derek Tickles’ requested a list of councils ‘who have removed or intended to remove the word Christmas from their festivities and replaced it with Winterval, Lumnious, Winter Lights, Festivus, Bauble-icious, Ice To See You, to see you ice, Turkey Twizzle or any other un-Christian alternative nomenclature.”
‘Derek Tickles’ is a serial silly FOI sender, who describes himself on Twitter as a ‘private in the army of armchair auditors’ with a campaign as his name suggests directed at Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government Eric Pickles.
While recently ‘Derek’ seems to have gone underground, in one of his numerous FOI requests to the Department for Communities and Local Government he reacted to the ‘Winterval’ debate over whether some Christmas events were being rebranded for political correctness.
The idea that Councils were doing this has been exposed as a myth, but this did not stop Mr Tickles from checking that none of the names in his list of imaginative alternatives were being considered. Personally I think and fear Bauble-icious could catch on.
3. ‘Les Williams’ asked the BBC: ‘The fairy on top of the Christmas tree – origins – true or false?’
This particular FOI was really the chance to spin a humorous yarn rather than a request for information.
Les Williams (real name or not) wrote: “Could the BBC shed any light on the veracity of this story – my children are somewhat concerned to hear of this story and should the BBC have any objective journalism to dispute this story I would be most grateful.”
The tale in question concerns an increasingly put upon Santa Claus who has to deal with poorly elves, the arrival of his mother-in-law, pregnant and escaped reindeer, a broken sleigh and last of all missing cider and rum.
The story concludes: “Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, ‘Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn’t this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?’ And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.”
In its reply the BBC pointed out that this information was not held by the corporation. It’s safe to say then that this origin story will not be forming part of this year’s TV Christmas schedule.
2. ‘Derek Tickles’ (again!) contacted the Department for Communities and Local Government to find out ‘How many staff do not believe in Father Christmas?’
He’s back, and in this FOI request Mr Tickles asked his ‘chums’ at the DCLG a number of Christmas related questions, but perhaps the most festive and not to mention time-wasting query was asking how many Father Christmas believers were on the payroll.
Mr Tickles received his usual response: “The Department is not obliged to comply with your request, by virtue of section 14(1) of the FOI Act, as we consider the request to be vexatious.”
1. ‘Robert Batts’ sent an FOI request to both Broxtowe Borough Council and Stapleford Town Council and asked: “What preparations has the council made for an emergency landing of Santa’s sleigh this Christmas? Who would be responsible for rescuing Santa? Who would be responsible for rounding up the reindeer, and who would have to tidy the crash site?”
The fate of Santa Claus certainly seems to be the primary concern for most of these Christmas FOI requests, but this submission is perhaps the most inventive in its depiction of Kriss Kringle’s crash landing and the need for an emergency plan of action.
As well as earning the honour of being number one in MM’s top five Christmas-themed FOI requests, it was also number two on the Local Government Association’s list of the strangest FOI requests councils had received in 2011, behind an inquiry into how West Devon District Council planned to react ‘if and when Napoleon and his marauding hordes invade the district?’
The LGA’s list also included the now infamous request to know local authority preparations for a zombie attack, which has made the rounds to various different councils.
Indeed Robert Batts (again unconfirmed as the requester’s real name), was not the first to ask a council what they would do if Father Christmas and his reindeer crash landed in their district.
The same questions had previously been sent to Cheltenham Borough Council, who actually decided to play along with the joke and replied: “Santa has been on a compulsory ‘elf’ and safety course to ensure he is capable of landing the sleigh.
“The council has carried out a thorough risk assessment of the event. Santa has been reminded not to drink sherry on the night of the event.
“Santa’s elves will be on call in case of emergencies and Cheltenham Borough Council will support them in any incident.”
Picture courtesy of zaimoku_woodpile via Flickr, with thanks.
