The 12 Days of Christmas may be an old classic, but it’s exactly that: old.
It was probably the height of romance back in its 18th century heyday, when the gift of a partridge could leave a woman swooning.
But even if it was still relevant, you might struggle in 2013 to acquire ten lords willing to leap around for your amusement.
It is also worth pointing out that if you did want to go down the original route, it would cost you the equivalent of around $27,000.
That’s according to the PNC Christmas Price Index®, which tots up the cost of all 78 items as a measure of annual inflation.
In short, giving the original 12 Days of Christmas to your other half would involve a lot of hassle, a LOT of spending and very little romance.
Which is why MM is proud to offer a fool-proof guide to romantic gift-giving in 2013.
Unless your idea of a perfect Christmas involves an awful lot of live poultry, you should probably take heed.
On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, a partridge in a pear tree
Treat your loved one to Alan Partridge’s latest offering Alpha Papa on DVD. Don’t take any notice of Alan’s technique, but woo them with your bartending expertise by knocking up some DIY pear cocktails, such as the Thoroughly Modern Manchester Mojito.
The cocktail was commissioned to celebrate World Duty Free’s Summer Drinks Festival this year and reflects what they call our unique and vibrant city.
You’ll need Bacardi Superior rum, Xante’s Cognac-based pear liqueur, lime juice, mint leaves and pear. Find the method here.
Two turtle doves
Sea Life near the Trafford Centre might not be an obvious romantic choice, but is in fact swimming with love (and lust).
As frightening as it may seem, getting in the tank with said mating turtles as part of the Sea Trek experience is apparently a winner.
A spokesperson for Sea Life said: “For even more romance, take part in Sea Trek – we even had somebody propose in there.”
No pressure…
Three French hens
Yep, birds again. Provided your true love is not a vegetarian, treat them to the roasted or grilled kind.
The Northern Quarter’s award-winning 63 Degrees is ‘a taste of Paris brought to you by the Moreau family’.
Their menu is perfectly French serving garlic snails, stuffed pigeon with fois gras and even a chestnut cappuccino with pumpkin foam. Impress your date by pretending to know what this is.
For a far more alternative gift, look for hens online to keep as pets. A pair of female Faverolles (the original French hen) was recently advertised for sale in Manchester on pets4homes.co.uk for £70.
Four calling birds
This line got confused over the years and should actually be ‘colly birds’, aka blackbirds.
You may have begun to notice that birds come up a lot. If your beloved is a bird enthusiast, you are in luck. Build a bird box together for your garden or windowsill or dig out some binoculars and go bird-watching.
And if not, go for a winter wonderland walk in Heaton Park, which boasts an abundance of birds and wildlife. They also have an animal centre, for those who want to come face-to-face with an alpaca.
(This can also cover your geese and swans, if you’re economising.)
Five gold rings
Take your precious to see The Hobbit, which came out on Friday. If it’s a success, you can cosy up and partake in a Lord of the Rings DVD marathon the next day, which guarantees more gold rings than you could wish for.
While goblins, trolls and hairy-footed hobbits do not exactly scream romance, the presence of Orlando Bloom more than makes up for this.
Six geese a-laying
Fall in love at the sophisticated heights of bar Cloud 23 atop the Hilton hotel.
Their autumn/winter drinks menu includes Old Thom Henry’s Cherry Effervescent, a cherry punch made with Gosling’s rum.
For the less romantically inclined, there’s always straight vodka. Grey Goose, of course.
A section of the bar is named ‘Eros 23’ after the Greek god of love while their menu tempts you to ‘lose yourself in decadent luxury designed to appeal to all senses’. Winner.
Seven swans a-swimming
You can’t get much more romantic than the ballet and it just so happens the crème de la crème are coming to town in the New Year.
Booking tickets for Russian State Ballet’s Swan Lake at The Bridgewater Hall on January 13-14 will make you utterly irresistible.
Coincide this with 3 French hens for potentially the most romantic date night of your life.
Eight maids a-milking
Milking cows by hand is a dying art. Oh, and the back end of a cow isn’t exactly a location for love.
The Cheese Hamlet in Didsbury, however, is.
It promises all sorts of gifts tailored to lovers, from heart-shaped brie, cheddar or goat’s cheese to entire wedding cakes made of cheese.
Manager Chris Coiley explains: “Most people aren’t actually keen on wedding cake. They want a cheese board at a wedding, but want it to be different.”
Their monumental towers of cheese can set you back by up to £350, but they’re certainly different.
Nine ladies dancing
If you’re brave enough – and possess at least a little rhythm – go to a salsa class at Copacabana in the Northern Quarter.
They cater for all levels of experience (that includes absolutely none) with evening classes as well as club nights.
Just a warning. Depending on your abilities, this will either be highly seductive or completely hilarious.
10 lords a-leaping
If the line was ‘10 dames a-diving’, you’d have the choice of many a football team to go and watch (naming no names).
Instead, make like Jay Z and take your missus to a basketball game. Manchester Giants play at home to Worcester Wolves on January 5 – falling within the 12 days of Christmas – or Birmingham Knights on January 19.
Well, if it’s romantic enough for Beyonce…
11 pipers piping
Book a course with the Fabulous Cake Makers and learn to pipe like a pro. Their Manchester branch is Richard’s Cakes in Urmston, where they actually have a Great Barrier Reef cake-decorating class.
They’ve catered for Andrew Flintoff and the Corrie cast and won awards for – wait for it – their marzipan modelling.
If you’re unsure how much flirtation this can offer, watch five minutes of Great British Bake-Off and count the innuendos.
12 drummers drumming
Depend on the success of your salsa class, this may or may not appeal…
Recreate the passion and heat of a Brazilian carnival in the middle of a Manchester winter by visiting the North West’s first ever samba school.
They welcome new drummers and dancers to take part in rehearsals every Wednesday. And everyone loves a musician, right?
And in case you forgot the tune (or hate our modern twist and want to go back to the original) here it is:
Picture courtesy of Xavier Romero-Frias via WikiCommons, with thanks.
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