A childhood autism diagnosis can mean a lifetime of worry for parents anxious for their children’s future, as well as put a crippling strain on the family unit.
But one Stockport mother, whose nine-year-old twin boys were found to be on the spectrum seven years ago, is inspiring parents of autistic children across the country to view the condition not as an abnormality or disorder – but simply as a different way of viewing life.
Debby Elley, 43, co-founded a quarterly non-profit magazine called Aukids in 2008 which provides practical advice to affected families, as well as promoting the joy that can be taken from nurturing an autistic child.
She said: “We decided to call the website Aukids because it sounds like orchids, and like orchids, it can be difficult to get children with autism to grow – until you find the conditions that really suit them.”
Brothers Bobby and Alec were aged just two when Debby and husband Gavin, 52, received the life-changing news.
The diagnosis came in the months after the then two-year-old Alec managed to squeeze between safety bars placed across a bedroom window.
With no concept of danger, he climbed out and plunged to the ground.
He sustained a brain injury and was in a coma for three days and, as a result, now suffers from learning difficulties.
Follow-up tests by specialists revealed Alec, along with his twin brother Bobby, was autistic.
Although Debby’s overwhelming emotion was still one of relief that Alec had survived the accident, the autism diagnosis left her more determined than ever to help protect her beloved twins.
LOVING: Debby and her beloved sons Alec and Bobby
“When a lot of parents receive the diagnosis for the first time they feel like they have had the rug pulled from under them. To me they were still just my two giggling boys.”
The magazine editor made it her business to find out as much about autism as possible, and teamed up with speech and languages therapist, Tori Houghton, 38, to revolutionise the way parents perceive the diagnosis.
Debby added: “The hospital sent us information but it was all so depressing – we wanted to do something upbeat, even humorous.
“The information supplied by the hospital was written by professionals rather than parents. Tori and I had that mix.”
The resulting Aukids magazine now has one thousand subscribers, predominantly based in Stockport and Manchester, but with further interest from further afield.
Debby’s message of hope has its foundations in the distinctive and happy personalities that her boys possess.
Alec’s near fatal accident had a profound effect on his development, and despite learning to walk, he is still unable to speak.
This does not stop Debby believing Alec is leading a rich and full life. Her voice lights up as she describes how much he loves being outdoors, the way he flashes a cheeky smile when caught with his hand in the biscuit tin, and that he even has a keen eye for the ladies.
“Behind his eyes you can see it is all rainbows and fluffy clouds.”
Debby has also had to work hard to support Bobby, who was considered high up on the autistic spectrum.
But by the age of four he managed to utter his first words and is now at a mainstream school where he is excelling in science and IT.
Beating the odds to teach a child who struggles to comprehend the very concept of communication to talk is no mean feat, but it’s Bobby’s achievement his mother is keen to highlight.
“Actually, we didn’t teach him to speak – he did that all by himself.”
Bobby has had to be taught the most basic of social skills that come naturally to most and Debby faces a constant battle to teach him to behave appropriately.
“For me this is a bit like being given a giant Lego building; taking it down and then showing him how to rebuild it brick by brick.
“I have to take apart all the social stuff I take for granted, examine it with a magnifying glass, translate it into Bobby speak and relay it to him.”
Debby is optimistic for the boys’ future and excitedly tells of Bobby’s latest plan to set up ‘Bobby’s Screens’ when he grows up – a computer shop decorated entirely in the colours of his favourite Nintendo characters, Mario and Luigi.
As for Alec, Debby cherishes his every moment and is convinced with continued love and support he can remain peaceful and happy.
An expert in autism and owner of a company which provides support workers for the families of autistic people, Debby’s co-editor Tori says she has never been so impressed with anybody.
Tori thinks bringing up two autistic children, spending every waking moment preparing them for the outside world while finding the time to help make life easier for other parents makes Debby something of a super mum.
Tori said: “She is an inspiration to so many other parents.”
For more on this story and many others, follow Mancunian Matters on Twitter and Facebook.
